As I reminisced about this old feeling I used to have -- the "longing to fall in love" feeling -- it suddenly dawned on me how lucky I am to have married a man that fulfilled my nagging wish. How lucky am I to be in love, to be in love in a way that sometimes feels just like the movies make love appear? Now, I won't deny that marriage has it's tough moments and that love comes with it's own sacrifices, but I will say that a love that makes you feel giddy inside, a love that makes you feel full of life, a love that makes you smile, a love that makes you so happy you cry....is possible.
The fact that I have been given this awesome blessing of love has also reminded me of how God provides. There were so many years of thinking that a love like I've described would never come my way and there were nights of crying myself to sleep wondering if God had any idea what He was doing! I would think, "Does He know how much I want to fall in love?! -- Why isn't it happening?!"
But He did know. And it did happen. Not on my own timing, but in His. And this thought is especially profound to me right now, because I have recently found myself with new questions wondering, "Does God know I need a job? Does He know Justin and I need an income? Will He EVER provide?"
The choice is this: trust God(even when it's not on my timing) or try to control it all on my own (aka: give all my energy to worrying about all the unknown things in my life).
I'll probably wake up tomorrow and ask God the same questions all over again, feeling antsy about getting a job, but in this moment, I am trusting in a God that provides.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4