so serious.

Justin and I have a tendency to take life a little too seriously sometimes. We often catch ourselves stressed and intense about whatever it is life throws at us. We're always trying to prepare so that our plans are carried out in the most efficient and cost effective way possible. We blame this [sometimes] paralyzing habit on being "firstborns." Apparently, "firstborns" are known to be overly responsible making sure every decision is well thought out and reasoned.

I mean let's be honest, somethings really are meant to be taken seriously and often being responsible works out in our favor, but other times there is just no need for such seriousness. Sometimes we need to be more present. More in the moment. More stop-and-smell-the-flowers. More light-hearted. More focused on what we have instead of what we don't have.

Because what we have...it's beautiful.

they made me who I am.

they get me. the real me.

this day. my heart was full.

together. forever. and loving it.

God knows how to end a day.

sisters. we share a history together that no one can replace.

new sisters. couldn't have asked for better ones.

new family. my heart overflows.

this place. this view. refresh.

mine.

heaven on earth.

Today I am grateful for the moments. The moments that remind me to live a little less carefully and a little more freely.

rainy day

When I woke up this morning I felt like had barely slept last night. I had a hard time falling asleep even though I haven't been feeling well and the loud, howling wind from our middle-of-the-night-rain-storm didn't help the cause. I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed this morning not ready or wanting to face another day. Trying to sleep as long as I possibly could, I was left rushed to get out of the house (and even had to do my make-up when I arrived at work). I wore my rain boots to endure the massive rain puddles covering all the sidewalks in Ann Arbor, but then forgot to grab my heels to change into at work. Ugh. The sky is grey and everything is brown. It's one of those days when I'd rather be snuggled up under my covers watching a sappy, romantic movie. But I can't. I have to be at work...in my big, frumpy rain boots.

I know this little blog of mine is supposed to reflect fun, happy, feel-good things and moments. But today just isn't a feel-good day. But as I pout my way through this day, forcing fake smiles when I have to, I am reminded that we are allowed to have bad days too. We don't have to feel full of gratefulness and smiles all the time. We are loved even in our blahness. And it doesn't have to say anything about you if you don't feel like being happy today.

With that being said, as I reflect on the past twenty-four hours of my life, I'm noticing that there is still much to be grateful for: the extra warmth in the air that is unusual for late-november, Justin making dinner for us last night (and cleaning up!) while he let me rest on the couch and watch Sex and the City knowing I wasn't feeling well, the quick cuddle on the couch with Justin before he headed back to school to study last night, the homemade soup from my mother-in-law that made packing lunches quick and easy, the late bus that spared me having to walk to the further-away-bus-stop, a warm cozy bed (that even though makes it hard to get up in the morning I'm glad to have), a chance to read my new favorite blog, and a few extra hours in the car tonight with J (even though it means driving to GR for a funeral visitation).

So that's all. Today I'm grateful that sometimes it's ok to not feel grateful and that God still provides little joys to get us through the blahness that life sometimes throws at us.

detour

My bus had to take a detour this morning. Detours have been an ongoing frustration over the past few months as construction has taken over our roads, but this morning was different. As we turned the corner and came closer to the "Road Closed Follow Detour" sign, I was instantly discouraged and let it fuel my anger towards Monday morning -- the end of another weekend and the beginning of the long wait until the next one. But then, to my surprise, the detour route ended up being an even better route for me than the usual one. It took me to the bus stop that is almost directly in front of my building rather than the stop that adds a five minute walk to my morning commute.

My anger immediately dissipated and I even felt a little silly for having been so riled up in the first place. Then it occurred to me that this instance was the perfect picture of how God has such a great plan for me even when I think I know the best way. It reminded me that even though I usually think the regular route is best, that sometimes the "detour" is even better.

I am grateful today that even though I often get frustrated that my life isn't taking the route I had envisioned, that God will take me right to the front door instead.

animal crackers

I was reminded tonight while watching an old favorite movie, Armageddon, of when I used to wish so badly to fall in love....so badly that it hurt. As "cheesy" as it may sound, I remember watching the love story scenes in that movie (you know, the ones where they play "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith) and longing to fall in love the way Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck do. I wanted to love and be loved so much that it would feel impossible to live without the other person. I wanted to be silly and giddy in love so that even playing with animal crackers (a classic Armageddon scene) felt like the most romantic thing ever.

As I reminisced about this old feeling I used to have -- the "longing to fall in love" feeling -- it suddenly dawned on me how lucky I am to have married a man that fulfilled my nagging wish. How lucky am I to be in love, to be in love in a way that sometimes feels just like the movies make love appear? Now, I won't deny that marriage has it's tough moments and that love comes with it's own sacrifices, but I will say that a love that makes you feel giddy inside, a love that makes you feel full of life, a love that makes you smile, a love that makes you so happy you cry....is possible.

The fact that I have been given this awesome blessing of love has also reminded me of how God provides. There were so many years of thinking that a love like I've described would never come my way and there were nights of crying myself to sleep wondering if God had any idea what He was doing! I would think, "Does He know how much I want to fall in love?! -- Why isn't it happening?!"

But He did know. And it did happen. Not on my own timing, but in His. And this thought is especially profound to me right now, because I have recently found myself with new questions wondering, "Does God know I need a job? Does He know Justin and I need an income? Will He EVER provide?"

The choice is this: trust God(even when it's not on my timing) or try to control it all on my own (aka: give all my energy to worrying about all the unknown things in my life).

I'll probably wake up tomorrow and ask God the same questions all over again, feeling antsy about getting a job, but in this moment, I am trusting in a God that provides.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

messy

Sometimes when I reflect on how I've been acting the last several weeks since J and I have moved to Ann Arbor for him to start grad school, I want to grab my own shoulders and shake myself..... how often have I sat pouting, wishing things were different, wallowing away in self pitty, thinking I deserve better or more? I mean sure, things aren't exactly how I might choose them to be right now; I often feel lonely in this new place, I don't have a job and I'm sick of searching (which means I'm also sick of not having any money), and the uncertainty about my/our future is constantly torturing me, but..... I am MARRIED!! I am married to the love of my life, my best friend, to a man whose integrity and honesty never cease to amaze me. I have waited my whole life for exactly that. Now is it clear why I sometimes feel like shaking some sense into myself?!

I am not naive enough to believe that being married makes everything easy and fun. But if I'm honest, I sometimes just don't feel like dealing with the hard stuff. Sometimes I want everything taken care of for me so I can come to home to a perfectly clean home with a totally complete "to do" list.

But here's the reality. Life is messy. Love is messy. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. And sometimes you have to choose to be grateful even when you feel like pouting.

I am grateful today for a husband who loves me even when I forget to be grateful.