one year: many lessons

So I probably should've posted this entry back on May 16, but even though it's been almost two weeks since then I figured I'd express my gratefulness for celebrating one year of marriage to my best friend, Justin.

During our first year of marriage here are a few of the big and small lessons I've learned:

1. Say you're sorry. And mean it. : I've found that admitting I was wrong, even when I felt like kicking and screaming to prove that I was right (and believe me there has been some kicking and screaming over the last year), has played a key role in communicating through some of our first year fights. And I've also realized that sometimes it doesn't matter if I was right or wrong, because the fact of the matter is that something I did hurt Justin and he deserves a sincere apology whether I meant to hurt him or not. Some weeks I've felt like I've had to say sorry too many times, but I am grateful that I have a forgiving husband and one who his humble enough to apologize when it's his turn too.

2. Do nice things for eachother. Even when you don't feel like it.: I'm not talking about anything huge. I'm talking about simple gestures of love: writing a quick note on the mirror to encourage Justin for his big school presentation, making him a lunch so that he doesn't have one more thing to worry about on top of his heavy school load, putting a little note in his lunch to remind him of my love for him, texting him to say I love him "just because," getting him a glass of water to take to bed, rubbing his back and shoulders when he asks...or even when he doesn't ask, cooking his favorite meal, bringing him a snack for a late night study break. I've found that it's important to do these things even when I'm mad at him and even when I know he won't have time to reciprocate. I'm grateful that Justin is great at showing me in little ways that he loves me and cherishes who I am as his wife.

3. Laugh together. Alot.: Sometimes one or both of us takes life way too seriously. I've learned that there is too much that is out of our control and that worrying about the future or my current "to do list" is a waste of my energy. There were often times over the past year where it seemed like life was just too overwhelming -- not enough money, not enough time, friends and family dealing with hard changes, etc. I think approaching life with a sense of humor is really important. Laughter really is the best medicine, as they say. I'm grateful for a husband who constantly makes me laugh.

4. Listen. And don't try to solve everything.: Justin and I have gone through a lot this past year -- moving to a new city, Justin starting grad school at the University of Michigan (with an extremely time consuming degree in architecture), me job searching and then starting a new job, adjusting to new groups of friends, figuring out how to be married, and making decisions that will affect our future life together. It goes without saying that there has been lots to sort through over this past year of marriage. I've learned that Justin really appreciates when I listen to him and let him sort through his ideas about architecture and his future hopes and dreams. He really likes when I engage in the conversation and challenge him with good questions. And it's usually not necessary to try to offer the perfect solution, but rather to just lend a listening ear, express that I understand, and follow up with him to hear new thoughts and feelings. I'm grateful for a husband who listens to me really well and really takes a genuine interest in how I'm doing.

5. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. : This is huge. Justin and I try really hard to resolve a fight or at least make a point to hear eachother out before stomping off and slamming doors (not that I haven't done that too!). I can remember a few times when I just wanted to ignore Justin, go to sleep and pretend the fight never happened. Justin never lets that happen. He always works really hard to talk through the fight and get to a point of resolution before moving on to anything else. This practice has been really great for us and has really forced me to listen to Justin, apologize when I've been an idiot, and has played a key role in my learning how to love him better. When you join two lives together there are bound to be some points of disagreement. I'm grateful that I have a husband who values resolving our fights before we let them get the best of us.

6. Feelings aren't always reality. : I'm a big feelings person. I like to experience "feelings" for everything I go through. I make decisions based on feelings, I blog about my feelings, and I constantly am talking about my feelings. I feel pretty deeply too. So much so that when I'm having a bad day I sometimes feel like I'll never be happy again or when I'm having a great day I feel like it's impossible that I'll ever be sad again! I usually like this about myself, and Justin always tells me he appreciates it too, but sometimes it gets in the way of being a good wife. What I've been learning is that 1). My feelings aren't the only feelings to consider 2). there is more to life than feelings. Living with Justin has really taught me to embrace my feelings, but also learn how to accept feelings as feelings and not reality. For example, I think I had a lot of expecations of how the first year of marriage is "supposed to feel" and when I wasn't experiencing those "feelings" I would get discouraged. Justin, however, being the more rational one in our duo, had no expectations of what our marriage should "feel" like and so instead was able to just enjoy our first year for everything it was. I really like that marriage isn't just a fleeting feeling, but in fact more of a committment and choice to love and respect each other over and over again. I'm grateful to have a husband who values me for my feelings and also reminds me that feelings aren't the end-all-be-all.

These are just a few of the lessons I've learned throughout this past year and I know that the rest of my life with Justin will be filled with many more new lessons (and sometimes re-learned lessons). I'm really proud of our first year together as Mr. and Mrs. Mast and feel like we have a lot under our belt already. I'm looking forward to the many years ahead of us to love each other for better or for worse :)

*Above picture: Justin's cousin got married on May 15 in Florida so we spent our anniversary weekend celebrating with them on a mini-vacay! Above is us on the dance floor. I love dancing with my husband :)